disconnected

You know that feeling when you're done talking with someone you love on the phone or on Skype, that split second where you hear that annoying tone alerting you that the person on the other line is no longer there? Your conversation is done; maybe your phone dropped them, or their phone dropped you, or you just came to a good ending point. Either way, you've been disconnected. You can no longer hear their voice or see their face.

I've never liked that feeling, that moment of loneliness, of being the only one on the line, of not being connected. My instinct is to quickly hang up so as to not be the one left hanging.

As human beings, we long for connection with other human beings. We long to be heard, touched, LOVED. We fear rejection, loneliness, disconnection. It is often this fear that drives so many of our actions. Sometimes we become the first to push away, to hang up the phone. 'I might still end up alone, but at least I was the one who chose it. I wasn't the unwanted one, the forgotten one, the undesired one.'

But our call is one to love, not one of fear. I can't not pick up the phone because I'm afraid of hanging up.

decisions...kind of

So I've decided to stay in the San Diego area with the wonderful girls who were so kind to make their home open to me in my desperate time of need. I can't say enough about how much I love and appreciate these girls - I love living with them and sharing this part of my life with them. <3

As far as work goes, I was working for a temp agency as well as doing editing gigs here and there on the side. My first assignment at the agency was pretty cool. I was a customer service rep for an online mortgage company. It was pretty cool and consistent...for about a month, but I guess that's what it's like when you work for a temp agency, who knew! This was my first experience.

Now, however, I want to refocus on a job that will actually lead me closer to a full time career. I'm not entirely sure what that looks like, but I figure that as long as I keep working on film projects I'm good, right? We'll see. Sometimes I feel like a lost, confused little soul, looking everywhere to find where she belongs, but at the same time, looking nowhere, if that makes any sense. I just tend to want to try new things all the time. I want to experience adventures and explore the unknown so much that I loose focus on one thing that I should be striving towards. I'm still not entirely sure what that one thing that I should be striving towards looks like, but I guess maybe starting in the area I got my degree in may just be a good start. ;)

Anyway, I definitely don't have any answers, I don't even know where I'm going or where I'll be in 4 months, but I've decided to just live in the moment, love those I'm surrounded with, trusting that God will lead me where He wants me.

Well, thanks for reading!

Love,
Ivana

update

I haven't blogged here for a really long time. If I happen to have any readers, I sincerely apologize!

Life has been very...interesting for the last few months.

I visited Europe for 6 weeks, which was absolutely crazy and wonderful and difficult all mixed together! If you would like to know about those adventures, check out the blog that my friend and I kept while we were out there: europeorbust2015@wordpress.com.

Now, I'm in the midst of post-grad craziness! I'm trying to find a place to live in beatiful Southern California and get my foot in the door as a freelance editor. All I have to say is wow! I didn't know how difficult life would be after college! I am continually blown away by the craziness and struggles that I am required to face everyday, but also by the kindness and generosity of the people around me.

I know that God is not letting me go and that He has a plan, I just don't exactly know what that plan is yet, but hey, that's what trust is all about, yeah?

In the meantime, I became a consultant for a wonderful little Swiss company called Arbonne. It's all about helping people take charge of their health and feel great about themselves from the inside out! I am very excited for the ways that Arbonne is going to challenge me as well as help me learn more about some of the things I love: health and beauty!

Well, that's it for now. I'm so excited to be blogging again, so I'll keep you (whoever you may be) posted on what happens next!

Love,
Ivana

transitions

I graduated!!!! I now have a Bachelor's Degree since Friday - almost exactly a week ago. :)

So, the big question: what are you going to do with your life?

Well, I don't know all the details yet, and I think I'm grateful for that too because where's the fun in life and the trust in God if you know all the details, right?? Anyway, I do know that for now I'm fortunate enough to live with my parents and younger brother for the next three months. I am currently doing film editing work from home and I also have another job and am looking to get a third part-time job. My goal right now is to make as much money as I can so that I can save up!

In January, I'm planning to go to Europe for a while and then the plan is to move to L.A.; we'll see if God guides me another path, but for now, that's the plan.

Anyway, my transition period has been really nice. It's been great to just enjoy a peaceful life with my parents with frequent random outings, whether they are biking with my dad and brother or running out to get froyo. ;) I really can't complain! Life is pretty sweet right now. :) Sure, I have moments where I start worrying: am I really doing the right thing? Shouldn't I be living on my own already and getting started on my career? I need to meet people, etc. But then, I just sit back and remember that I need to enjoy each moment and period in my life as it happens. And, as I've heard from severel wise professors, it's really alright to step back a little after working so hard in college.

Overall, I am very grateful for this experience and trust that God will lead me where He wants me.

patience

Among many of the lessons I feel God has been trying to teach me lately, the lesson of Patience stands strong. I can feel myself aching to have answers. I keep feeling like, "Okay, I've waited this long, don't I deserve to know now?" And then I am reminded that patience is not simply achieved in a certain amount of time. I must continue to wait.

It's so easy for me to become discouraged! I mean, here I am, graduating in just a little over a month, and I still don't know what I'm doing afterwards. I have two possible options right now floating in the air, and honestly, I don't think I would be able to pick from both of them if I had to, so I've asked God to pick for me. I've asked Him to lay the one He wants for me on my lap. I know one of them will go through, it's just a matter of which one it will be.

In a way, I'm relieved that I don't have to make a decision right now because I'm so stressed with my last quarter of school anyway, but at the same time, I'm itching to know what my next step will be! Where am I going to live? Will I even be able to find an apartment in such short notice? When will I be able to see my family again? There are so many questions floating in my head. But then, I need to sit down and relax, "Lord, you've got this one." I will do my part once I have an answer and can move on in one direction or another, but for now, I'm just waiting. "So, please give me patience!" <3

moms

Thank God for moms! I just had a really good conversation with my mom over the phone. It feels so good to be able to express myself and share my fears, dreams, and laughter with a mom that understands and offers her wisdom and strength. It amazes me that I can go on and on speaking about myself, selfish little creature that I am, and she is still so genuinely interested in what I have to say and how I'm doing. That self-less giving love just amazes me!

I imagine that's a lot like what God's love is for us. He just listens and smiles while we go on in circles complaining about our lives or telling him about all our little experiences. No matter how small and insignificant our problems and experiences may seem in the big scheme of things, God listens and waits like a loving parent for us to go and talk to him, to share our lives with him. Ah, so beautiful! It gives me such joy and consolation to know that no matter what, I am loved so perfectly. We are all loved perfectly. <3

intro

Well, now that I already wrote a personal post, I feel silly for realizing that I haven't even given myself a proper introduction yet, whoopsies. I am very new at this, so bare with me.

Anyways, I am currently a senior in college - 6 more months till graduation! My plan as of yet is to move to L.A. immediately after graduation and find a job out there, but we'll see how that goes, it's kind of exciting knowing that the whole world has its arms wide open in front of me and I can choose any direction, like my mom always says: "the sky is the limit!" Seriously though, I'm excited to see what plans God has in store for me! :)

I have a very wide range of interests and styles, and I think my posts will reflect that (I tend to go all over the place). I'm always interested in recipes, makeup ideas, hairstyles, and fashion, as well as the daily struggles and joys of every day living.  Each day will probably be different. One day I might share about some recipe I discovered or some beauty tip, and another day I might share something I've been thinking a lot about in my personal life.

Mainly though, I just want to share my thoughts, goals, and inspirations. :)

I love taking the time in the morning, (when I have the time), to drink my coffee slowly while scrolling down Pinterest and enjoying conversations with my room mates. So, I'm inviting you into my morning. Grab a coffee, make some breakfast, and let's talk! ;)