vulnerability

Something that I think about a lot is vulnerability. Personally, the thought of being vulnerable with another human being and letting them into my heart, even a little bit, terrifies me. What if they turn around and decide to hurt me with that information, or what if they decide never to talk to me again?  They might just decide I'm silly for thinking the way I do, or I might lose their friendship altogether. So many possibilities!

Almost equally terrifying is having someone be vulnerable with me. I'm an imperfect human being also, what if I hurt them? What am I supposed to do with someone else's heart if I have a hard enough time trying to take care of my own??

On the other hand, however, there is something so beautiful about an open, vulnerable heart. I long for connection on a deep personal level with others. Everyone does! We need to be able to share our lives on a deeper level than just the daily small talk we make with a stranger on an elevator.

I often like to contemplate on the utterly perfect display of complete love and openness: Jesus on the Cross.

If that's the way we are being called to love, then yeah, it's gonna hurt. But how beautiful is that kind of complete abandonment of self?!? How beautiful is it that he gave everything, holding nothing back from us?! Whoa. Can you just imagine what it would be like if we had even a sliver of that kind of love for each other?

It's so easy to become consumed in how I believe myself to be perceived, that I often fail to live in that open state of being present and alert to the needs of others.

There have been a couple of times when I've caught myself being genuinely interested in a conversation or a moment that I forget to think about myself. I want to live more of those moments! I want to be so genuinely concerned with my neighbor, that I forget to think about my self listening to them, instead I want to just listen.

I believe that it is possible to live in this state of openness and vulnerability in everything we do. Yeah, there might be rejection and feelings might get hurt, but I need to be able to take those risks! I want to actually LIVE, not just survive by hiding away because I'm afraid of what might happen. And it's not only about those moments of deep, personal conversation and connection, although those are beautiful and need to be had with those we are closest to, but I believe this state of openness can be accomplished in such a simple gesture as smiling at the cashier that I feel personally has something against me--if I really stop to think about it after all, why would she personally want to offend me? Does she even know me? Maybe, she's just having a bad day, maybe she feels unappreciated. Just take a chance. Give her a smile!